Holy Grail Script Come Back Again and We
Holy Grail Working Script Role 1
| Notes about this script: |
| This is the 'Monty Python and the Holy Grail' screenplay as it appeared on March 20, 1974. It'south a 'working' version of the script., Not the final script that was filmed. In reading this, you'll be able to see the creative procedure at piece of work. Many of the scenes were contradistinct from the mode they were originally written and others disappeared entirely. Other bits, including some of the funniest and most quoted lines from the film were written into this version of the script, and others were added in afterwards during filming. I've color-coded the changes then you can follow them more easily. Some of the fundamental points to watch out for: The 'King Brian the Wild' scene (and several characters that appeared only in that scene) disappeared entirely. A few other minor characters, like Sir Gawain, besides were eliminated. The scene in which Sir Robin meets the iii-headed Knight was extensively re-written. The 'shrubbery', 'Knights of Ni' and 'Bridge of Death' scenes as well were changed quite a lot from how they were originally planned. One rather famous alter that doesn't appear here is the 'Directors Cut' of the Castle Anthrax scene. That wasn't included in this version of the script, so I didn't add information technology. I've resisted adding this script onto the site for over a year now because I know I'chiliad going to get flooded with e-mails from clueless newbies (most from AOL probably) trying to get me to fix the errors in this script considering their version of the movie is dissimilar. REMEMBER! This is not the fashion the film was shot. A lot of things were inverse between this version and the last screenplay. Many lines were changed, added, eliminated or were said past dissimilar characters. The staging was altered from the directions contained here. Practise NOT email me with things similar 'Y'all take the Blackness Knight scene wrong. Fix it!!' This volition but evidence only how ignorant yous truly are. |
| . | BLACK: Regular text. The mode the script was originally written |
| . | GREY: Originally written into the script, but crossed out by this time. |
| . | GREEN: Not included in the original draft. Had been pencilled in by this version. |
| . | PINK: Staging directions |
| . | Orange: Scenes |
[1 Outside - CASTLE WALLS - 24-hour interval]
[Mist. Several seconds of it swirling about. silence possibly, atmospheric music. SUPERIMPOSE 'England Advertizing 787'. after a few more seconds we hear hoofbeats in the distance. They come slowly closer. Then out of the mist comes KING ARTHUR followed by a SERVANT who is banging two half coconuts together. ARTHUR raises his hand.]
ARTHUR: Whoa there!
[SERVANT makes noises of horses halting, with a flourish. ARTHUR peers through the mist. CUT TO shot from over his shoulder: castle (e.g. Bodium) rising out of the mist. On the castle battlements a SOLDIER is dimly seen. He peers down.]
SOLDIER: Halt! Who goes there?
ARTHUR: It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of all Britons, defeator of the Saxons, sovereign of all England!
[Pause.]
SOLDIER: Become abroad!
ARTHUR: I am... And this my trusty servant, Patsy. Nosotros have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join our court at Camelot.. I must speak with your lord and master.
SOLDIER: What? Ridden on a horse?
ARTHUR: Yes!
SOLDIER: You lot're using coconuts!
ARTHUR: ...What?
SOLDIER: You've got 2 empty halves of coconuts and you're banging them together.
ARTHUR: (Scornfully) So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Mercea.
SOLDIER: Where did you get the coconuts?
ARTHUR: Through ... Nosotros found them.
SOLDIER: Found them? In Mercea. The coconut's tropical!
ARTHUR: What do you lot mean?
SOLDIER: Well, this is a temperate zone.
ARTHUR: The eat may wing s with the lord's day, or the house martin or the plover seek warmer hot lands in winter, yet these are not strangers to our state.
SOLDIER: Are y'all suggesting coconuts migrate?
ARTHUR: Not at all. They could exist carried.
SOLDIER: What? A swallow carrying a kokosnoot?
ARTHUR: Why not?
SOLDIER: I'll tell you why not ... because a swallow is nearly eight inches long and weighs five ounces, and y'all'd be lucky to find a coconut under a pound.
ARTHUR: It could grip it by the husk ...
SOLDIER: It's not a question of where he grips it, It's a simple matter of weight - ratios ... A five-ounce bird could not hold a a i pound coconut.
ARTHUR: Well, it doesn't matter. Go and tell your master that Arthur from the Courtroom of Camelot is hither.
[A Slight pause. Swirling mist. Silence.]
SOLDIER: Await! To maintain Velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings four hundred and ninety three times every second. right?
ARTHUR: (irritated) Please!
SOLDIER: Am I correct?
ARTHUR: I'1000 non interested.
2nd SOLDIER: (who has loomed upwardly on the battlements) It could be carried past an African consume!
Kickoff SOLDIER: Oh yes! An African consume mayhap ... but not a European swallow. that'south my bespeak.
Second SOLDIER: Oh yes, I concord there ...
ARTHUR: (losing patience) Volition you ask your master if he wants to join the Knights of Camelot?!
Showtime SOLDIER: But and then of course African swallows are non-migratory.
SECOND SOLDIER: Oh yes.
[ARTHUR raises his eyes heavenwards and nods to PATSY. They turn and become off into the mist.]
FIRST SOLDIER: So they wouldn't be able to bring a kokosnoot back anyhow.
2nd SOLDIER: Wait a minute! Suppose two swallows carried information technology together?
FIRST SOLDIER: No, they'd accept to have it on a line.
[Stillness. Silence again.]
[two Animation/LIVE ACTION SEQUENCE - Decease AND Destruction]
[CUT TO Terry Gilliam'south sequence of Brueghel prints. Sounds of strange medieval music. Discordant and sparse. Wailings and groanings. The last motion picture mixes through into alive activity. Big Close UP of contorted face up upside down. A leg falls across it. Creaking racket. The bodies lurch away from Camera to reveal they are amid a huge pile of bodies on a swaying cart that is lumbering away from Camera. It is pulled past a couple of ragged, dirty emaciated WRETCHES. Behind the cart walks another Homo who looks slightly more prosperous, simply simply on the scale of consummate and utter impoverishment. He wears a black hood and looks sinister.)
CART DRIVER: Bring out your dead!
[We follow the cart through a wretched, impoverished plague-ridden hamlet. A few starved mongrels run about in the mud scavenging. In the open doorway of one business firm perhaps we jug glimpse a pair of legs dangling from the ceiling. In another doorway an Onetime WOMAN is beating a cat confronting a wall rather like one does with a mat. The cart passes circular a dead ass or moo-cow in the mud. And a MAN tied to a cart is beingness hammered to death by four NUNS with huge mallets.]
CART DRIVER: Bring out your dead!
[There are legs stick out of windows and doors. Two MEN are fighting in the mud - covered from head to foot in it. Another MAN is on his hands in knees shovelling mud into his rima oris. We simply catch sight of a MAN falling into a well.]
CART Commuter: Bring out your expressionless!
LARGE MAN: Here's one!
CART Driver: Ninepence.
BODY: I'g not dead!
CART DRIVER: What?
LARGE Homo: Zilch... There'southward your ninepence.
Torso: I'm non dead!
CART DRIVER: 'Ere. He says he's not dead.
Big MAN: Yep he is.
BODY: I'm not!
CART Driver: He isn't.
Large MAN: He will be soon. He'southward very ill.
Torso: I'k getting improve!
LARGE MAN: You're not. You'll exist stone expressionless in a few minutes.
CART Driver: I can't take him like this. It'south against regulations.
BODY: I don't want to continue the cart.
Large MAN: Don't be such a baby.
CART DRIVER: I can't accept him.
BODY: I feel fine.
Big MAN: Practise me a favour.
CART Driver: I tin can't.
LARGE MAN: Well, tin can you hang around a couple of minutes. He won't be long.
CART DRIVER: I promised I'd exist at the Robinson's. They've lost nine today.
Large Human: When'southward your next circular?
CART Commuter: Th.
BODY: I call back I'll become for a walk.
Big Homo: You're not fooling anyone you lot know. (to CART Commuter) Isn't there annihilation you could do?
BODY: (singing unrecognisably) I experience happy... I feel happy.
[The CART DRIVER looks at the Large MAN for a moment. And then they both practise a quick furtive look upwardly and down the street. The CART Commuter very swiftly brings upward a society and hits the OLD Human.]
Big Homo: (handing over the money at last) Thanks very much.
CART Driver: That's all correct. See you on Thursday.
[They plough ... Of a sudden all the hamlet fall to their knees, touching forelocks etc. ARTHUR and PATSY ride into SHOT, slightly nose to the air, they ride through without acknowledging anybody. Subsequently they laissez passer, the Large MAN turns to the CART DRIVER]
Large Human: Who's that then?
CART DRIVER: (Grudgingly) I dunno, Must be a rex.
LARGE Human being: Why?
CART DRIVER: He hasn't got shit all over him.
[3 EXTERIOR - DAY]
[ARTHUR and PATSY riding. They terminate and wait. We see a castle in the distance, and before it a PEASANT is working away on his knees trying to dig up the earth with his bare hands and a twig. ARTHUR and PATSY ride upwardly, and end before the PEASANT]
ARTHUR: Old woman!
DENNIS: Human!
ARTHUR: Man. I'1000 pitiful. Quondam man, What knight alive in that castle over there?
DENNIS: I'yard 30-seven.
ARTHUR: What?
DENNIS: I'm 30-seven ... I'k not old.
ARTHUR: Well - I can't just say: 'Hey, Man!'
DENNIS: Well you lot could say: 'Dennis'
ARTHUR: I didn't know you were called Dennis.
DENNIS: You didn't bother to notice out, did you?
ARTHUR: I've said I'thou deplorable about the erstwhile adult female, but from the behind you looked ...
DENNIS: What I object to is that you automatically care for me like an junior ...
ARTHUR: Well ... I AM king.
DENNIS: Oh, very prissy. King, eh! I await y'all've got a palace and fine clothes and courtiers and plenty of food. And how d'you get that? By exploiting the workers! By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the social and economic differences in our society! If there's E'er going to be whatsoever progress ...
[An OLD Woman appears.]
OLD WOMAN:
DENNIS:! At that place'southward some lovely filth downwardly here ... Oh! how d'yous practice?
ARTHUR: How d'you do, skilful lady ... I am Arthur, King of the Britons ... tin can you lot tell me who lives in that castle?
Erstwhile WOMAN: King of the WHO?
ARTHUR: The Britons.
Sometime Woman: Who are the Britons?
ARTHUR: All of the states are ... we are all Britons. [DENNIS winks at the OLD Woman.] ... and I am your king ....
OLD Adult female: Ooooh! I didn't know nosotros had a male monarch. I idea we were an autonomous collective ...
DENNIS: You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship, A cocky-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes ...
Quondam Adult female: In that location you are, bringing class into it again ...
DENNIS: That's what information technology's all near ... If simply -
ARTHUR: Please, please good people. I am in haste. What knight lives in that castle?
Erstwhile Woman: No 1 lives there.
ARTHUR: Well, who is your lord?
OLD WOMAN: We don't take a lord.
ARTHUR: What?
DENNIS: I told yous, Nosotros're an anarcho-syndicalist commune, we take it in turns to deed equally a sort of executive officer for the week.
ARTHUR: Yes.
DENNIS: ... Merely all the determination of that officer ...
ARTHUR: Yes, I see.
DENNIS: ... must be approved at a bi-weekly coming together by a simple bulk in the case of purely internal affairs.
ARTHUR: Be serenity!
DENNIS: ... only a two-thirds majority ...
ARTHUR: Be quiet! I society you to shut up.
Quondam Adult female: Order, eh -- who does he think he is?
ARTHUR: I am your rex!
OLD Woman: Well, I didn't vote for you.
ARTHUR: You don't vote for kings.
OLD Woman: Well, how did you become king, and so?
ARTHUR: The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held Excalibur aloft from the bosom of the water to signify past Divine Providence ... that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur ... That is why I am your rex!
Old Woman: Is Frank in? He'd be able to deal with this 1.
DENNIS: Wait, foreign women lying on their backs in ponds handing out swords ... that'south no ground for a system of government. Supreme executive ability derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
ARTHUR: Exist quiet!
DENNIS: You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
ARTHUR: Shut up!
DENNIS: I mean, if I went around saying I was an Emperor because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, people would put me away!
ARTHUR: (Grabbing him by the collar) Shut upward, will you. Shut up!
DENNIS: Ah! NOW ... we see the violence inherent in the system.
ARTHUR: Shut up!
[PEOPLE (i.e. other PEASANTS) are appearing and watching.]
DENNIS: (calling) Come up and run into the violence inherent in the system. Help, help, I'yard beingness repressed!
ARTHUR: (enlightened that people are now coming out and watching) Bloody peasant! (pushes DENNIS over into mud and prepares to ride off)
DENNIS: Oh, Did you lot hear that! What a give-away.
ARTHUR: Come on, patsy.
[They ride off.]
DENNIS: (in the background as we PULL OUT) did you see him repressing me, then? That'due south what I've been on about ...
[4 EXTERIOR - FOREST - Mean solar day]
[MIX THROUGH to ARTHUR and PATSY riding through the forest. They pass rune stones. Nosotros TRACK with them. Shut-UPS of their faces as they ride. MIX to another TRACKING SHOT of them riding through the forest. They come to a clearing and stop, looking ahead intently. Their eyes low-cal up.]
[Sound FX of fight.]
[Cut TO their eyeline. A immigration on the other side of which is a rough wooden foot-bridge across a stream. At the outset of the span a tremendous fight is going on. A huge BLACK KNIGHT in black armour, his face totally masked in a visor, is fighting a slightly smaller KNIGHT in green armour. (Perchance the GREEN KNIGHT'southward armour is identical to the BLACK KNIGHT'south save for the colour.)]
[Cutting BACK TO ARTHUR and PATSY. They watch, growing more impressed as they sentinel the fight.]
[CUT BACK TO the fight. The Light-green KNIGHT lunges at the Blackness KNIGHT, who avoids the accident with a skilful side-step and parry, knocking the sword out of the GREEN KNIGHT's hand.]
[Cut Dorsum TO ARTHUR and PATSY even more than impressed.
[CUT BACK TO the fight. The GREEN KNIGHT has drawn out a specially nasty mace or spiked ball and concatenation, much longer than the Black KNIGHT'due south sword.]
[ARTHUR narrows his eyes, wondering whether the BLACK KNIGHT will survive.]
[Cut BACK to the fight. The Greenish KNIGHT swings at the BLACK KNIGHT, who ducks under the commencement swing, leaps over the second and starts to close on the GREEN KNIGHT.]
[Cutting Back TO ARTHUR and PATSY watching like a lawn tennis match. Sound FX of the fight reaching a climax. Four almighty clangs. Then Silence.]
[Cutting BACK to come across the Greenish KNIGHT stretched out. The BLACK KNIGHT sheathes his sword.]
[ARTHUR looks at PATSY. Nods and they motion frontwards.]
[Cut BACK TO the Blackness KNIGHT picking up the Dark-green KNIGHT to a higher place his head and hurling him into the river. ARTHUR and PATSY approach him.]
ARTHUR: You fight with the force of many men, Sir knight.
Blackness KNIGHT: Who dares to challenge the Black Knight?
ARTHUR: I practise not challenge you.
[The BLACK KNIGHT stares impassively and says zippo.]
ARTHUR: I am Arthur, King of the Britons. [Hint of a pause every bit he waits for a reaction which doesn't come up. ARTHUR is only slightly thrown.] ... I seek the bravest and the finest knights in all the world to bring together me in my court at Camelot ...
[The BLACK KNIGHT remains silent.]
ARTHUR: You take proved yourself worthy. ... Will you bring together me?
[Silence.]
ARTHUR: A homo of your strength and skill would be the master of all my knights ...
BLACK KNIGHT: Never.
ARTHUR: You make me sad. But so be it. Come Patsy.
[As he moves, the BLACK KNIGHT bars the way.]
Black KNIGHT: None shall laissez passer.
ARTHUR: What?
Black KNIGHT: None shall laissez passer.
ARTHUR: I have no quarrel with you, brave Sir knight, but I must cross this bridge.
BLACK KNIGHT: Then you shall die.
ARTHUR: I command you lot, equally Male monarch of the Britons to stand up aside.
Black KNIGHT: I movement for no man.
ARTHUR: So be it!
[ARTHUR draws his sword and approaches the Blackness KNIGHT. A furious fight at present starts lasting about fifteen seconds at which signal ARTHUR delivers a mighty accident which completely severs the Black KNIGHT's left arm at the shoulder. ARTHUR steps back triumphantly.]
ARTHUR: Now stand aside worthy antagonist.
BLACK KNIGHT: (Glancing at his shoulder) 'Tis simply a scratch.
ARTHUR: A scratch? Your arm'southward off.
BLACK KNIGHT: No, it isn't.
ARTHUR: (Pointing to the arm on basis) Well, what's that and so?
BLACK KNIGHT: I've had worse.
ARTHUR: You're a liar.
BLACK KNIGHT: Come on you pansy!
[Another ten seconds furious fighting till ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHTS's other arm off, also at the shoulder. The arm plus sword, lies on the ground.]
ARTHUR: Victory is mine. (sinking to his knees) I thank thee O Lord that in thy ...
Blackness KNIGHT: Come on and so.
ARTHUR: What?
[He kicks ARTHUR hard on the side of the helmet. ARTHUR gets up however holding his sword. The Black KNIGHT comes afterward him kicking.]
ARTHUR: You are indeed brave Sir knight, but the fight is mine.
BLACK KNIGHT: Had plenty?
ARTHUR: You stupid bastard. You lot havn't got any arms left.
BLACK KNIGHT: Course I have.
ARTHUR: Expect!
Black KNIGHT: What! Just a mankind wound. (kicks ARTHUR)
ARTHUR: End that.
Black KNIGHT: (kicking him) Had enough ... ?
ARTHUR: I'll have your leg. (He is kicked again.) Right!
[The BLACK KNIGHT kicks him again and ARTHUR chops his leg off. The Black KNIGHT keeps his balance with difficulty.]
BLACK KNIGHT: I'll practice you for that.
ARTHUR: Yous'll what ... ?
BLACK KNIGHT: Come Here.
ARTHUR: What are you going to do. drain on me?
BLACK KNIGHT: I'1000 invincible!
ARTHUR: You're a looney.
Blackness KNIGHT: The Black Knight e'er triumphs. Have at you!
[ARTHUR takes his last leg off. The BLACK KNIGHT'south body lands upright.]
Blackness KNIGHT: All right, we'll call information technology a draw.
ARTHUR: Come up, Patsy.
[ARTHUR and PATSY get-go to cantankerous the span.]
BLACK KNIGHT: Running abroad eh? You lot xanthous bastard, Come dorsum hither and take what'due south coming to you. I'll bite your legs off!
[v Outside - DAY]
[A village. Sound of chanting of Latin canon, punctuated past short, precipitous cracks. It comes nearer. We see it is a line of MONKS ala Seventh SEAL flagellation scene, chanting and banging themselves on the foreheads with wooden boards. They pass a group of villagers who are dragging a beautiful Immature WOMAN dressed as a witch through the streets. They drag her to a foreign business firm/ruin standing on a colina outside the village. A strange-looking knight stands outside, SIR BEDEVERE.]
Offset VILLAGER: We have plant a witch. May nosotros burn her?
ALL: A Witch! Burn her!
BEDEVERE: How do you know she is a witch?
ALL: She looks like 1. Yes, she does.
BEDEVERE: Bring her forward.
[They bring her forward - a beautiful YOUNG Daughter (MISS ISLINGTON) dressed up as a witch.]
WITCH: I am not a witch. I am not a witch.
BEDEVERE: Merely you are dressed as i.
WITCH: They dressed me up like this.
ALL: Nosotros didn't, we didn't!
WITCH: This is not my nose, It is a false one.
[BEDEVERE takes her nose off.]
BEDEVERE: Well?
FIRST VILLAGER: ... Well, we did do the nose.
BEDEVERE: The olfactory organ?
FIRST VILLAGER: And the hat. But she is a witch.
ALL: A witch, a witch, burn her!
BEDEVERE: Did you lot apparel her up like this?
FIRST VILLAGER: ... Um ... Yes ... no ... a bit ... yes... she has got a wart.
BEDEVERE: Why do you lot think she is a witch?
Second VILLAGER: She turned me into a newt.
BEDEVERE: A newt?
Second VILLAGER: (After looking at himself for some time) I got improve.
ALL: Burn down her anyway.
BEDEVERE: Quiet! Quiet! There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.
[ARTHUR and PATSY ride upwards at this point and watch what follows with interest]
ALL: There are? Tell up. What are they, wise Sir Bedevere?
BEDEVERE: Tell me ... what do you lot do with witches?
ALL: Fire them.
BEDEVERE: And what do you burn, apart from witches?
Quaternary VILLAGER: ... Wood?
BEDEVERE: So why do witches fire?
SECOND VILLAGER: (pianissimo) ... Because they're made of wood...?
BEDEVERE: Good.
[PEASANTS stir uneasily then come round to this conclusion.]
ALL: I come across. Yep, of form.
BEDEVERE: And so how can nosotros tell if she is fabricated of wood?
Get-go VILLAGER: Make a bridge out of her.
BEDEVERE: Ah ... merely can you not as well make bridges out of rock?
ALL: Ah. Yeah, of grade ... um ... err ...
BEDEVERE: Does forest sink in water?
ALL: No, no, It floats. Throw her in the pond. Necktie weights on her. To the swimming.
BEDEVERE: Wait. Look ... tell me, what also floats on h2o?
ALL: Breadstuff? No, no, no. Apples .... gravy ... very pocket-sized rocks ...
ARTHUR: A duck.
[They all turn and look at ARTHUR. BEDEVERE looks up very impressed.]
BEDEVERE: Exactly. So... logically ...
Showtime VILLAGER: (kickoff to option upwardly the thread) If she ... weighs the same as a duck ... she's made of wood.
BEDEVERE: And therefore?
ALL: A witch! ... A duck! A duck! Fetch a duck.
Quaternary VILLAGER: Here is a duck, Sir Bedevere.
BEDEVERE: We shall use my largest scales.
[He leads them a few yards to a very strange contraption indeed, made of wood and rope and leather. They put the Daughter in one pan and the duck in another. Each pan is supported past a wooden stave. BEDEVERE checks each pan then ... ARTHUR looks on with interest.]
BEDEVERE: Remove the supports.
[Two PEASANTS knock them away with sledge hammers. The Daughter and the duck swing slightly simply remainder perfectly.]
ALL: A witch! A witch!
WITCH: Information technology's a fair cop.
ALL: Burn her! Fire her! Let'south make her into a ladder.
[The VILLAGERS elevate the girl away, leaving ARTHUR and BEDEVERE regarding each other admiringly.]
BEDEVERE: Who are y'all who are and so wise in the ways of scientific discipline?
ARTHUR: I am Arthur, Male monarch of the Britons.
BEDEVERE: My liege ... forgive me ...
[ARTHUR looks at PATSY with obvious satisfaction.]
ARTHUR: Good Sir knight, volition you come up with me to Camelot, and bring together our number at the Round Table?
BEDEVERE: My liege, I am honored.
[ARTHUR steps forward, drawing his sword, with a slight hint of difficulty]
ARTHUR: What is your name?
BEDEVERE: Bedevere, my Liege.
ARTHUR: Then I dub y'all ... Sir Bedevere ... Knight of the Round Table!
[6 VARIOUS MONTAGE - Blitheness]
Vox OVER: And and then Male monarch Arthur gathered his knights together ... bringing from all the corners of the kingdom the strongest and bravest in the land ... To sit at The Circular Table ...
Under this phonation over we accept a montage of shots of ARTHUR recruiting his Knights:
1. ARTHUR, PATSY, BEDEVERE and PAGE riding through hillside. MIX TO:
2. A castle. LONG SHOT of SIR GAWAIN standing outside and ARTHUR's group approaching and shaking hands mayhap.
iii. MIX TO the group now plus SIR GAWAIN and PAGE (who is weighted downwards by an enormous quantity of luggage) riding downwardly past a stream and approaching SIR HECTOR. ARTHUR dubs him.
4. MIX TO the group (now plus HECTOR and PAGE) budgeted some group of buildings or whatever. In the distance SIR ROBIN is being taught the lute by one of his MUSICIANS. ARTHUR calls and SIR ROBIN immediately reacts and hands the lute to his MUSICIAN and comes to join ARTHUR and CO.
v. MIX TO SIR GALAHAD surrounded by chickens. He is wearing a carpenters apron over his immaculate armour and is finishing off a hen-business firm. We run into the group approach and he throws off the apron and puts downwards the hen-house and goes to join them.
6. MIX TO the group riding along again.
7. MIX TO SIR LAUNCELOT handing a Baby to his WIFE (who has several other CHILDREN hanging well-nigh) and he strides off to join ARTHUR, leaving his castle, WIFE and CHILDREN. The castle (Eilean Donan) has washing hanging outside it. A real family unit castle. In that location are at least vi kids.
eight. MIX TO the consummate grouping, i.e. ARTHUR and PATSY, BEDEVERE and Folio, GAWAIN and PAGE, HECTOR and Folio, GALAHAD and PAGE, SIR ROBIN and six MUSICIANS, LAUNCELOT and Page.
6 Close-Up of a volume on which is written: THE Book OF THE Film
Vocalisation OVER: The wise Sir Bedevere was the first to join Male monarch Arthur's knights ... merely other illustrious names were soon to follow ...
Hand turns page.
VOICE OVER: Sir Launcelot the Brave ...
Hand turns folio.
Vox OVER: Sir Galahad the Pure ...
Hand turns page.
VOICE OVER: And Sir Robin-the-not-quite-then-pure-as-Sir-Launcelot ...
Manus turns page.
Phonation OVER: ... Who had nearly fought the Dragon of Agnor ...
Hand turns page.
Vox OVER: ... Who had nearly stood up to to the vicious Chicken of Bristol ...
Hand turns Page.
Vocalisation OVER: ... and who had personally wet himself at the Battle of Badon Loma ... and the aptly named ...
Mitt turns page.
VOICE OVER: Sir Non-actualization-in-this-film.
Hand turns folio.
Vox OVER: Together they formed band whose names and deeds were to be retold throughout the centuries ... The Knights of the Round Table ...
A gorilla'due south hand snatches abroad the hand.
Music swells and fades and we MIX THROUGH TO:
[7 EXTERIOR - SUNSET]
[Fairly close Head-ON SHOT of the KNIGHTS riding along. BEDEVERE and ARTHUR at the front of the group deep in conversation.]
BEDEVERE: And that, my lord, is how we know the Earth to be banana-shaped.
ARTHUR: This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere. Explain again how sheep's bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.
BEDEVERE: OF course, my Liege ...
LAUNCELOT: (he points) Look, my liege!
[They all terminate and await.]
ARTHUR: (with thankful reverence) Camelot!
[Cutting TO shot of amazing castle in the altitude. Illuminated in the rays of the setting sun.]
[Music.]
[Cut Back TO ARTHUR and the group. They are all staring with fascination.]
GALAHAD: Camelot ...
LAUNCELOT: Camelot ...
GAWAIN: (at the back, to Folio) It's only a model.
ARTHUR: (turning sharply) Sh! (to the rest) Knights! I bid you welcome to your new home! Allow us ride ... to Camelot.
[viii INTERIOR - Nighttime]
[CUT TO interior of medieval hall. A large grouping of armoured KNIGHTS are engaged in a well choreographed vocal-and-dance routine of the very upwardly-vanquish 'If they could encounter me now' blazon of fast bouncy number. The poorer verses are made clearer by CUTTING to a group of knights actually engaged in the described chore while the line itself is sung. They sing:]
KNIGHTS:
Nosotros're knights of the round tabular array
We trip the light fantastic toe whene'er we're able
We do routines and chorus scenes
With footwork impeccable.
We dine well here in Camelot
We eat ham and jam and spam a lot.
Nosotros're knights of the Circular Table
Our shows are formidable
Merely many times
We're given rhymes
That are quite unsingable
Nosotros're opera mad in Camelot
We sing from the diaphragm a lot.
[Booming basses. A routine where ii XYLOPHONISTS play parts of KNIGHTS' armour producing a pleasing effect.]
In war we're tough and able.
Quite indefatigable
Betwixt our quests
We sequin vests
And impersonate Clark Gable
It's a busy life in Camelot.
Single Human: I accept to push the pram a lot.
[Cutting BACK TO ARTHUR and BEDEVERE and COMPANY as we had left them.]
ARTHUR: No, on 2nd idea, let's not get to Camelot.
KNIGHTS: Right!
ARTHUR: It is a silly identify.
[They set off again near immediately they are suffused in ethereal radiance and foreign heavenly choir music. The PAGES, horselike, take fright for a moment, they whinny and rattle their coconuts. ARTHUR and the KNIGHTS fall on their knees. A holy voice booms out.]
GOD: Arthur! Arthur ... Rex of the Britons ...
[They all prostrate themselves even further]
GOD: Oh, don't grovel ... practice get upward! If in that location's 1 thing I can't stand, it's people grovelling!!
[ARTHUR and COMPANY rising.]
ARTHUR: Distressing ...
GOD: And don't repent. Every time I endeavour to talk to someone it'due south deplorable this and forgive me that and I'm not worthy and ... What are you doing now?
ARTHUR: I'chiliad averting my eyes, Lord.
GOD: Well, don't. I really don't know where all this got started. It's like those miserable psalms. they're so depressing. Now knock it of
ARTHUR: Yes, Lord.
GOD: Right. Arthur, King of the Britons, your Knights of the Round Table shall have a job to make them an example in these dark times ...
ARTHUR: Good idea, O Lord!
GOD: Grade it's a good idea. (Of a sudden another low-cal glows beside GOD or mayhap within the light which is GOD a shape slowly starts to course.) Behold ... Arthur ... this is the Holy Grail ... the Sacred Cup from which Christ drank at the Last Supper ...
[The form in the bright light is merely discernible as an iridescent chalice ... the KNIGHTS gasp.]
GOD: Look well, Arthur ... for information technology is your sacred task to seek this Grail.
[It begins to fade. Music crescendo as both lights fade.]
GOD: That is your purpose Arthur ... the Quest for the Holy Grail ...
[Information technology is gone. All the KNIGHTS are left gasping in awe and wonderment. They all plow and expect at ARTHUR.]
LAUNCELOT: A Approving. A approval from the lord.
BEDEVERE: Praise be to God!
[An awed interruption, then ARTHUR rallies them.]
ARTHUR: Nosotros accept a chore, nosotros must waste material no time! To Camelot!
GALAHAD: God be praised!
[Stirring music crescendo. They ride off.]
[Cutting TO TITLES SEQUENCE Animation: 'The Quest For The Holy Grail' After titles Cutting TO:]
[9 EXTERIOR - CASTLE - DAY]
[MIX THROUGH one or two shots of them on their manner again, until they arroyo a terrific castle (a little one would do as well). They accelerate quite close to the castle and describe themselves into a line. At a bespeak from ARTHUR the two PAGES step forward and give a cursory fanfare.]
[A Man appears on the battlements. ARTHUR addresses him.]
ARTHUR: How-do-you-do.
MAN: 'Allo. Whoo is eet?
ARTHUR: I am King Arthur and these are the Knights of the Round Table. Whose castle is this?
Homo: This is the castle of of my master, Guy de Loimbard.
ARTHUR: Delight become and tell your master that we have been charged by God with a sacred quest, and if he will requite us food and shelter for this night he can join usa in our quest for the Holy Grail.
Human: Well, I'll ask him, only I don't remember he'll be very slap-up. He'southward already got one, you see?
ARTHUR: What?
GALAHAD: He says they've already got one!
[They are stunned.]
ARTHUR: Are you sure he's got one?
Human being: Oh aye. It's very nice
[CUT TO BATTLEMENTS. THE TAUNTER turns to some others.]
Human: I told him we already got ane.
[They all giggle.]
ARTHUR: Well ... can we come up up and have a wait?
Homo: Of course not! You are English language pigs.
ARTHUR: Well, what are you then?
Homo: I'm French. Why do think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king.
GALAHAD: What are you doing in England?
Human being: Mind your own business.
ARTHUR: If you volition not show united states the Grail we shall tempest your castle.
[Murmurs of assent.]
Homo: You lot don't frighten us, English hog-dog! Go and boil your bottoms, son of a silly person. I accident my nose on you lot, so-called Arthur-king, you lot and your silly English K...kaniggets.
[He puts hands to his ears and blows a raspberry.]
GALAHAD: What a foreign person.
ARTHUR: Now expect hither, my good man!
MAN: I don't want to talk to you lot, no more than, you empty-headed animal, nutrient trough wiper. I fart in your general management. Y'all mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
GALAHAD: Is there someone else up at that place nosotros could talk to?
MAN: No. Now go away or I shall taunt you lot a 2d fourth dimension.
ARTHUR: Now this is your terminal adventure. I've been more than reasonab...
MAN: Fetchez la vache!
Baby-sit: Quoi?
MAN: Fetchez la vache!
[CUT BACK TO battlements. A moo-cow is led out of a stall.]
[CUT Back TO ARTHUR.]
ARTHUR: Now that is my final offer. If you are not prepared to agree to my demands I shall be forced to accept ... Oh Christ!
[A cow comes flying over the battlements, lowing aggressively. The cow lands on GALAHAD'S PAGE, squashing him completely.]
ROBIN: What a cruel thing to do.
BEDEVERE: (Choking back tears) It hadn't even been milked.
ARTHUR: Correct! Knights! Forward!
[ARTHUR leads a charge toward the castle. Diverse shots of them battling on, despite being hit by a variety of subcontract animals.]
ARTHUR: (every bit the Human side by side to him is squashed past a sheep) Knights! Run away!
[Midst echoing shouts of 'run away' the KNIGHTS retreat to comprehend with the odd cow or goose striking them still. The KNIGHTS hunker down nether cover.]
LAUNCELOT: The sods! I'll tear them apart.
ARTHUR: (restraining LAUNCELOT from going out and having a get) No!
BEDEVERE: I have a program sir.
[CUT Back TO battlements of castle. FRENCH SENTRIES suspiciously peering towards the English language lines. Air current whistles.]
[Shot of the empty scrubland or undergrowth or woodland around the castle. Emptiness. Wind. More shots of the FRENCH SENTRIES peering into the dusk. Equally night falls. MIX THROUGH TO night On the battlements a brazier burns or torches on the wall as the SENTRIES peer into the night. Shots of the woodland with fires called-for where the English lines are.]
[During all this the sounds of extensive carpentry have possibly been herd, followed by silence, followed by renewed outbursts or action.]
[CLOSE-UP FRENCH looking very nervous. Dawn breaking. Shot of woodland. Goose egg. Wind. Dawn still breaking. Shots of the FRENCH. They suddenly hear something. A faintly detectable squeaking which is getting louder.]
[CUT TO Wide SHOT of castle and woodland. Squeaking getting louder. Shot of the FRENCH TAUNTER pointing. WIDE SHOT once more. The squeaking gets louder an enormous twenty-foot-high wooden rabbit is wheeled out of the undergrowth into the open space in front of the castle. The English language scuttle back into the undergrowth. The rabbit has a large red bow tied round it and a rather crudely written label, which reads 'Pour votres amis Francais'. The Primary TAUNTER looks at it, narrowing his eyes. And then he turns and leaves battlements.]
[CUT TO ARTHUR and COMPANY watching from the bushes. The master gate of the castle opens a little and the CHIEF TAUNTER'southward head sticks out, then another Froggie head, then another. They mutter to each other in French, expect rather pleased, and then rush out and start to pull the behemothic rabbit in.]
[Cutting Dorsum TO ARTHUR and COMPANY behind some bushes watching.]
ARTHUR: Now what happens?
BEDEVERE: Well now, Launcelot, Galahad, and I look until nightfall and then leap out of the rabbit and have the French by surprise, not just by surprise only totally unarmed!
ARTHUR: Who ... Who breaks out?
BEDEVERE: Er ... We ... Launcelot, Galahad, and I ... Er ... leap out of the rabbit and ...
[LAUNCELOT covers his eyes.]
BEDEVERE: Look, if we were to build a big wooden badger...
[ARTHUR cuffs him. ARTHUR looks at the battlements. There is a loud twang. Await of horror. The rabbit comes sailing over the battlements.]
ARTHUR: Run away! (More shouts) Run away!
SIR GAWAIN: (to his Folio as they run away) Information technology's only a model.
ARTHUR: Sh!
[They continue to retreat. The rabbit lands on GAWAIN'S Page (who is already weighed down by enormous quantity of luggage).]
[10 EXTERIOR - CASTLE WALLS - Twenty-four hour period]
[Cut TO a Homo in modern dress standing outside a castle. He speaks straight to CAMERA in a documentary kind of way.]
[SUPERIMPOSE CAPTION: A Very Famous Historian.]
HISTORIAN'Due south Spoken communication: Defeat at the castle seems to accept utterly disheartened Male monarch Arthur ... The ferocity of the French taunting took him completely by surprise and Arthur became convinced that a new strategy was required if the quest for the Holy Grail were to be brought to a successful conclusion. Arthur, having consulted his closest knights, decided that they should carve up, and search for the Grail individually. Now, this is what they did. No sooner...
[A KNIGHT rides into shot and hacks him to the footing. He rides off.]
[Nosotros stay for a moment on the glade. A MIDDLE-Aged LADY in a C. & A. twin-set emerges from the trees and looks in horror at the torso of her HUSBAND.]
MRS HISTORIAN: FRANK!
Cut TO blithe frame, with the words 'The Tale of Sir Robin' on information technology. Pleasant pastoral music. MIX THROUGH TO:
VOICE: 'The Tale Of Sir Robin'
[11 Exterior - GLADE - Day]
[A KNIGHT is trotting along through a wooden dominicus-dapled glade, followed by his trusty PAGE banging the usual one-half coconuts. Every bit we see them approach we hear the beautiful lilting sound of medieval music, and see that the KNIGHT is followed by a small-scale retinue of MUSICIANS in thirteenth-century courtly costume, i sings, and plays the tambourine, one bangs at a tabor (A small drum O.E.D) and one plays the pipes.]
[The KNIGHT looks very proud and business firm as we hear the first part of the song, but the combination of the lyrics and the large signs they laissez passer, showtime to have their event ...]
SONG:
Bravely bold Sir Robin, rode along from Camelot,
He was non agape to dice, Oh Brave Sir Robin,
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty means
Brave, brave, dauntless, dauntless Sir Robin.
He was non in the least bit scared to exist mashed into a lurid
Or to have his eyes gouged out and his elbows cleaved,
To have his kneecaps split up and his trunk burned away
And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin.
His head smashed in, and his heart cutting out,
And his liver removed, and his bowels unplugged,
And his nostrils raped, and his bottom burned off,
And his penis split ... and his ...
ROBIN: Er, That's ... That's enough music for a while, lads. It looks as though like at that place'southward dirty piece of work afoot.
SINGERS: Brave, Sir Rob ...
ROBIN: Shut up.
[They accept ridden past the following signs, all in triplicate:]
+-------------------------------------------+ | CAMELOT 43 Certain Expiry I | | CAMELOT 43 CERTAIN DEATH I | | CAMELOT 43 Certain DEATH I | +-------------------------------------------+ +------------------------------------------------+ | BEWARE Go Back DEAD PEOPLE Only | | BEWARE Go Back DEAD PEOPLE But | | BEWARE GO Dorsum Dead PEOPLE ONLY | +------------------------------------------------+
[12 Outside - GLADE - 24-hour interval]
[They now laissez passer three KNIGHTS impaled to a tree. With their feet off the ground, with ane lance through the lot of them, they are skewered upward similar a barbecue.]
[And so they pass three KNIGHTS sitting on the footing with 1 enormous axe through their skulls. They await timorous.]
[So a huge tree is admittedly packed with MAIDENS tied to information technology. They all look fed up. SIR ROBIN calls out cheerfully as he passes.]
ROBIN: Forenoon.
ONE LADY: Cheerio.
[SIR ROBIN rides on a picayune way with the music edifice up enormous and terrifying tension, until suddenly there continuing before him is an enormous 3-HEADED KNIGHT.]
3 HEADS: Halt! Who art thou?
SINGERS: He is brave Sir Robin, brave Sir Robin, who ...
ROBIN: (to SINGERS) Close up. Oh, nobody really. simply passing through.
THREE HEADS: What practice y'all want?
SINGERS: To fight and ...
ROBIN: Shut upwardly. Nil really. just to laissez passer through, proficient Sir knight.
THREE HEADS: I'm afraid non. This is my flake of the wood. Detect your own chip.
ROBIN: I am a Knight of King Arthur's Round Tabular array. I seek the Holy Grail - Stand up aside and let me pass.
3 HEADS: You are a Knight of the Round Table?
ROBIN: I am.
[From now on the THREE HEADS speak individually.]
SECOND HEAD: Shit.
Start Caput: In that case I shall have to kill yous.
SECOND HEAD: Shall I?
THIRD HEAD: Oh, I don't think and then.
SECOND Head: I'm not sure.
MIDDLE Head: (to Outset) What do I recollect?
LEFT HEAD: I recall impale him.
SECOND Head: I'm still not sure.
3rd HEAD: All right. How many of me retrieve I should kill him?
First Head: I do.
Third HEAD: I.
2nd HEAD: That's not a quorum.
Offset HEAD: Information technology is if I'm the Chairman.
THIRD Caput: Oo, information technology'due south non.
2nd Head: I'g the Chairman this calendar week.
First HEAD: Y'all're not.
SECOND Head: Look, it'll get in much simpler if I vote with me.
THIRD Head: To kill him.
Second Caput: Yep.
THIRD Caput: (tuts) Oh, damn.
FIRST Head: (to SIR ROBIN) Knight, I have decided to kill you.
Third Caput: With 1 absenting.
FIRST Head: Knight, I accept decided to kill you with one absenting.
Tertiary HEAD: (to SIR ROBIN) Sorry about this merely I have to be fair.
ROBIN: Oh, that's all correct. So yous are going to kill me with your big axe.
FIRST Caput: Er no, with my sword.
SECOND HEAD: Dagger.
THIRD Head: Mace is quicker.
Offset HEAD: No, no, the sword, it's easier.
THIRD Head: He said axe.
ROBIN: Look, hurry upwardly six eyes, or I shall cut your head off.
Third HEAD: (to SIR ROBIN, referring to FIRST Head) For God'southward sake, CUT that one off, and do the states all a favour.
FIRST Head: What do y'all mean?
3rd HEAD: Yapping on all the time.
SECOND Caput: You're lucky, yous're not adjacent to him.
Tertiary HEAD: What practise you hateful?
SECOND Head: Yous snore.
THIRD Head: Oo, lies. Anyhow, you've got bad breath.
Second HEAD: (aspirating heavily) I haven't.
[Both 3rd and Kickoff HEADS turn away slightly, making faces.]
SECOND HEAD: It'due south not my fault. It's what y'all both consume.
Showtime HEAD: Look, stop this bitching. We've got a knight to kill.
2d HEAD: He's buggered off.
THIRD Head: So he has. He's scarpered.
First HEAD: That's all your fault.
Third HEAD: No, it's not.
FIRST Caput: (swipes at himself) Have that.
Second Head: Ow.
FIRST HEAD: I'm distressing.
THIRD Caput: 'Ere, stop it. I'll teach you.
[The Body starts laying into itself with sword and mace, while the HEADS debate and shout with pain. We PAN gently across to the MAIDENS on their tree. They are still very fed upwards.]
MAIDEN: I suppose nosotros're lucky he'southward only got three heads.
LOVELY: Chance would be a fine thing.
THIRD HEAD: Oh! permit's be overnice to him.
FIRST Caput: Oh shut up.
ROBIN: Mayhap I could ...
FIRST Caput: Oh! quick! go the sword out I want to cut his head off.
Third Head: Oh, cutting your ain caput off.
2d Head: Yes - do us all a favour.
FIRST HEAD: What?
THIRD Head: Yapping on all the time.
2d Head: Yous're lucky, y'all're not adjacent to him.
Tertiary HEAD: What do yous mean?
SECOND Caput: You snore.
Tertiary HEAD: Ooh, lies! anyway you've got bad jiff.
2d Caput: Well only because yous don't brush my teeth ...
3rd Head: Oh! stop bickering and let's go and accept tea and biscuits.
FIRST Caput: All correct! All right! We'll kill him commencement so have tea and biscuits.
Second Caput: Yes.
Tertiary HEAD: Oh! not biscuits ...
Get-go Head: All right! All correct! not biscuits - but lets impale him anyhow ...
[Broad-SHOT THE iii-HEADED KNIGHT is alone.]
SECOND Caput: He's buggered off!
3rd Caput: And then he has! He's scarpered.
[13 Exterior - GLADE - DAY]
[Quick sequence of SIR ROBIN. The music is jolly and vivid, as if triumphant. ROBIN is not at all happy with the lyrics.]
SINGERS: Brave Sir Robin ran abroad.
ROBIN: I didn't.
SINGERS: Bravely ran away, away.
ROBIN: No, no, no.
SINGERS:
When danger reared its ugly head,
He bravely turned his tail and fled
Aye, Brave Sir Robin turned most
And gallantly he chickened out
Bravely taking to his feet
He beat a very brave retreat
Bravest of the brave Sir Robin
Petrified of beingness dead
Soiled his pants then dauntless Sir Robin
Turned away and fled.
[They disappear into distance.]
[ANIMATION: 'The Tale Of Sir Galahad']
[14 EXTERIOR - STORM - FOREST - Sunset]
[Equally the storm rages we choice upwardly GALAHAD forcing his way through brambles and over slippery rocks. Progress is hard. He pauses and at this moment nosotros hear the howling of wolves. GALAHAD turns, and so hurries onward even more than urgently. Another louder, closer howl is heard and GALAHAD stumbles and falls heavily. Though obviously injured he bravely struggles forward a picayune and regains his feet reacting with pain. More louder, closer howling. He grips his sword valiantly and every bit he glances around a flash of lightning reveals the silhouette of a huge terrifying castle, maybe looking rather derelict. He makes up his heed in an instant and stumbles manfully toward information technology. More louder howling. He reaches the forbidding and enormous doors of the castle and beats on the doors with the handle of his sword, looking over his shoulder the while. Suspension. He beats again, shouting:]
GALAHAD: Open up. Open the doors. In the name of King Arthur. Open the doors. I am Sir Galahad, a knight of the Round Tabular array.
[Some suitable noises are heard inside.]
GALAHAD: I am on a quest for the Holy Grail. I seek shelter.
[Some rattling chainy noises come up from inside with huge bolts being drawn. The wolves' howling is very close. Every bit the door creaks open GALAHAD steps chop-chop inside.]
Forrard to Office Two: Scene 15 to Scene 28
Forward to Part Three: Scene 29 to Scene 41
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